So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
