Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
