Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
