where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
love makes seman taste better
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
