Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
