White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
