what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
