Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
