I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
