I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
