I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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