I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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