I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
