its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
