In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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