I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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