I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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