I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
