the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
