You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
