She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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