I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
