He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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