sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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