If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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