Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
