I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
