i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
