you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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