David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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