Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
