I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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