Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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