They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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