if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So squirting runs in the family.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
