you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
