he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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