You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
whose ass print is on the piano?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
