Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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