fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
