he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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