I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
