i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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