please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize