everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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