my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
