dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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