He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
