His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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