You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
