what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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