I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
