A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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