You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
