I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
