garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
