Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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