I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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