I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
