the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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