I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
