$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
