We won't sleep together?
we made out on top of his cat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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