I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
