I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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