I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
