dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
