I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
