I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
