no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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