super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
