Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize