i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
